Being yet another year older, I am thinking about (my) life and the world we live in.
Yesterday evening at the restaurant, but also previously at the various hotels we visited, I watched people around me. Most of them are glued to their smartphones, slave to the dopamine rush.
After I had to deal with depressions half of my life, I learned quite a bit about brain chemistry and how we basically function.
Since depression or it's worst form, anhedonia basically void you of any joy, you have to understand how our brain works.
If we eat, laugh, do enjoyable things (sex, games, music, movies, etc), our body releases dopamine. This hormone is then sent to our brain where dopamine receptors make us feel "happy".
Every drug and addiction in the world is based on it. Whether it's sex, trading stocks, gambling, shopping, those toxic social media apps or drugs and alcohol: All of them ruin our brain if we can't do it in moderation.
Given that most people these days use those utterly toxic and damaging apps such as Instagram or TikTok, it shouldn't be any surprise that people feel unhappier all the time.
Those apps send dopamine to your brain ALL - THE - TIME! The problem is that the receptoes can't handle so much. What happens? They grow! The exact same thing happens if you drink. Or if you gamble. Or if you use heroine.
And while most people seem to understand that drugs are dangerous, nobody cares about how dangerous social media or free sex are.
Social media lowers your attention span and makes you less capable of actually talking or making real connections with actual humans. Maybe you noticed how most people these days don't have much to say? Direct relation to that! Or maybe you noticed that people can't stay married or break up over any small stuff? Again, dopamine (or oxytocin).
Usually, if you have sex with a person, oxytocin (the love hormone) makes us feel like we bond with someone. This makes sense because sex wasn't invented for fun, but to make kids and kids need two parents.
Well, now that people have sex for fun and also never stay together (it's related), the same thing happens in the brain. After too much sex, a person (let's face it, it's almost only women, since 95% of men can't have sex whenever they want, while 99,99% of women can have sex whenever or wherever) can't pair bond anymore. Pair bonding is the ability to feel content and happy in a normal relationship.
After you fucked 50-300 men or had gang bangs every weekend, of course it seems "boring" to just have one person to sleep with for the rest of your life. The problem is that now those women (and the few men who can behave like women because 95% of women always chase them, even though many deny it or are unaware) feel unhappy eventually. This makes sense, because humans are social creatures. But again, if someone had too much sex, they would either have to detox themselves by not sleeping with anyone (or even dating) for 5 years or so (show me which woman would do that voluntarily!!!) or they will marry some dude they don't really love or care for (they can't, thanks to their sex drug abuse), while still being unhappy and still chasing that "dream bad guy" until they die.
So yeah, there are many, many drugs these days. They all work the same, are simple to understand and explain and yet most of us keep using them (including me).
I remember though that after 30, I really grew weary of all this "having fun" or "dating". But since basically every woman these days is broken, where would I find a normal one? And if I did, am i actually normal enough?
Since my last relationship ended in 2019, I didn't do the deed and yet I don't know if I detoxed enough. I still overuse my phone, I watch too many tv series or use sugar and sweet drinks or food as "drugs". Now those won't affect my pair bonding ability, but it can still affect how I date. If I can't learn to curb my use of those other drugs or to split them up in equal blocks (maybe more reading, less tv, less phone?), I might always be tempted to emotionally indulge in sleeping around or dating, even though rationally, I don't want any of that because I already KNOW that those things are boring, unhealthy and unfulfilling.
Either way, I do feel getting older in this world sucks. I already am a rigid asshole, living by high standards or trying to and barely get it right (if I even do). So how could others with less will power? I fight a constant fight between what I think/know is right and what I feel in the moment. It's like I still worry to miss out on things, even though being here in Bali right now, I can remember well that when I had all those "options", I actually didn't use any of them.
We all seem to worry we miss out on things or we compare ourselves to others. I feel I am in competition with everyone all the time and need to beat them or be better (although that seems like a primal and healthy instinct). But if I would say sleep with every woman I could sleep with, beat up every guy I can beat or date every girl I can date, it wouldn't help or improve me. It would just dig me in deeper into this ever deteriorating society we live in. And I can't be the only one who feels this world sucks now?
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