Anyways, she said my profile is interesting and we started to talk. Sometimes she seemed more responsive, sometimes less. When it already seemed like the conversation fizzles out, I happened to be around her area with B at a new mall and I asked her if she'd like to meet me there. She agreed. I didn't know what I was in for...
I waited for her at around 3:15pm, having had lunch with B prior to that. She kept me updated, but seemed to have trouble to catch a ride. Well, since that's often normal in Indonesia and people are barely on time, it was ok for me. But as time passed, she still didn't seem to be anywhere near me. She apparently had arrived at the mall, but some other entrance and now wandered around, not finding me yet.
Eventually, we did find us though, although it was 4:15pm by now. She said she would like to have a drink, but put the pressure on me to "decide" (which seemed a bit like one of those shit tests women give you where you can't win). I decided on some local drinks, Es Cendol and bland, sugarless tea for her (her choice). We started to talk and it seemed like a pretty normal date conversation, except that she didn't seem too interested in letting me finish sentences. But since I often talk too much anyways, I adapted and listened more to what she had to say. Which was quite a lot actually.
She told me about her two ex boyfriends (Dutch and Russian) and how she hadn't seen her mother or brother in ages. It was interesting for me to see someone share so much, so fast (something usually only I do).
It became a bit odd though when she told me for the second or third time that her Russian ex with whom she had been together for 10 years had come back 5 years ago. She told me that the reason was that he never found anyone to love him like she did. She repeated that a few times too throughout the day.
But up until now, I didn't think there was anything particularly wrong.
When I had almost finished my drink, she had to go to the bathroom, so I waited. When she came back, we realized she had left her purse(?) and phone lying at the counter. Again, seemed like it could happen.
She said she wants to buy something for her aunt's birthday, although they're not related through blood. So we went to Uniqlo. I usually enjoy shopping with a girlfriend if I can give input, so this wasn't a problem for me. I gave her my opinion and she pondered which shirt to buy for her aunt. Eventually, she called her and was joking around with her, which also seemed normal. I pointed out a soft shirt I saw for her, thinking it would really suit her. I felt a bit cocky at this point, feeling like I wasn't TOO interested in her, so I felt I can practice some flirt strategies on her, such as pretending we were already a couple and I'd advice her on what style of clothes to get.
After that, she told me I should get something for myself, her treat. This was kind of strange for me, seeing we had just met. I didn't feel comfortable, also because I don't really like to buy clothes under pressure.
But somehow, she soon forgot that she had suggested it. While this was fine for me, I started to wonder what's going on with her. It seemed as if she couldn't remember what she already told me or wanted to do, as if she had no short term memory!
We went to the register and she wasn't sure about the one shirt. She liked it, but said the total would be too high. So we went back to the other shirts and found one shirt in a different color. She wanted to go back to the register, but didn't remember where they were!
Now I was definitely thinking something isn't right. She still kept telling me the same story or bits of it over and over again. But while this was definitely weird, I thought it's also interesting and curious and didn't pose any real threat.
When we were finished at Uniqlo, she said she wants to get something warm, she'd feel cold. She made me touch her hand and asked if she can hold mine for warmth. I didn't mind, but it seemed like a sort of lame excuse for physical contact. But since I am not someone who is flirted with constantly, I didn't mind.
We sat down in a cafe where she ordered some coffee and hot water and I had some tea. After talking to the staff and paying, we talked some more, but by now, it was definitely obvious she kept telling me the same things ad nausea. She had to go "to the bathroom" again, but it was ok for me as I was watching one of those people that you see a lot in malls now that dress in cute costumes and pose for pictures. She did say that when she comes back, I could ask her 3 questions and she would ask me 3 questions, which sounded interesting and fun.
It took her a while and when she was back, she couldn't find her phone. She had misplaced it apparently and I suggested we check the bathroom again, but she said it's not there. She asked me to call it and someone actually answered.
We wanted to go there, but she told me to pay first. Now it wasn't really funny anymore, since I had SEEN her pay! I asked her if she didn't remember? She apparently didn't.
Back near the bathrooms, we looked for the person that had called her (she didn't seem to remember the description given to her by that person either). Finally, we found her and she gave her a generous finder fee. While the woman who had found it seemed happy, I think she was also a bit intimidated by how odd P acted.
P also said she wants to find sports shoes as she "likes to run" (something she had already told me 3-5 times too). On the way to the store, she asked to go to the bathroom AGAIN, saying this time it was to fix her make up! Well, I said ok and waited and she came back. By this point, she wasn't shy at all about holding my hand and we went to the shoe store.
There, I asked her what kind of style or color she wants. We sat down on a bench there and she started to act really weird. She seemed to be under the influence of something, as if she was high or totally spaced out. I started to feel concerned, because it DEFINITELY wasn't funny anymore! She started to slur her words and her eyes started to roll back in her head. Through the slurs, she mumbled and slurred something like "I love you!"
Apparently, when she went to the bathroom for her make up, she actually drank alcohol, saying it's because she was so nervous about meeting me. That I'd be perfect for her, that I AM perfect, etc.
I asked the staff for help after she lay half passed out over my lap. He informed security and later, some more people came with a wheelchair.
She mumbled a lot of weird stuff about "Balinese selingkuh (cheat) and have small kontol (dicks)". She also said she doesn't actually like me because of #_@ (something slurred, I couldn't understand). She told the security (a woman) "you're so pretty", yet also insulted her by continuing "...but also chubby!"
The staff seemed amused or annoyed. One guy said something like "people want to shop here, get her out of here!"
People seemed to assume I was her husband or boyfriend. I felt responsible for her and bad for the staff, but also a bit weird. She kept slurring a lot of weird stuff, a mix of compliments, insults and the kind of cockiness only drunk people have. Basically, she acted like a drunk kid - VERY honest, but also acknowledging the obvious in such a naive way, it was almost cute (like saying "I have legs! I can walk!" She couldn't btw!).
We finally got her into the wheelchair and out of the mall. I assumed that they would call some ambulance or something (before she passed out, I saw on her phone that a "Bali Mental Health Clinic" had tried to call!), but they merely asked me to handle it and called a Grab or Gojek car. While waiting for it, she drunkenly said things like "Iiiii 'mmm a lil tipsayyy" or "you knwww wheyyy Iii don't like youuuu? 'ou have no class!"
I didn't take anything she said at this point very serious anymore. Although she did seem to have moments of clarity. She often said "let me tell you the truth". Basically, with time, the story seemed to be that she had herself committed at the Mental Health Clinic due to severe trauma, a broken heart and family issues.
She had told me before that she apparently was born into a rich family and had been kidnapped when she was 3. They held her captive for 2 years and apparently raped her constantly.
Now, I obviously don't know if this all is true, but it would explain some of the odd behavior.
While she had hugged me earlier or even kissed me on the forehead and made kissy mouths and faces (which I ignored as they were awkward as f...), she also had pushed my hand off her shoulder aggressively when I tried to comfort her. She also did the same with the staff a few times.
Well, the car finally arrived and since I didn't want some poor driver to be attacked by a clearly unwell woman or for her to jump into traffic otw, I decided to tag along, although I was due home 2 hours already.
On the ride, she told me she would play some music and sing, but she was so high, she could barely type or tried to enter her pin in the dial pad to call someone.
She also called some woman (I thought a friend or maybe lover?), but it was unsuccessful. When she had dialed, she handed me the phone, saying something like "this will prove it". I had no clue what she meant or referred to.
We finally arrived at the clinic where I felt kind of shocked how cavalier they seemed about her abscence. They just said "Pinky, where were you?" (Pinky being her nickname).
She just replied like a proud child "I went shopppinngggg" and grinned with her eyes hazy. She told the nurse "you're a fatty fatty" and other interesting statements. The staff seemed to be used to it though.
We tried to get her to her room where she told another nurse "five husbands/boyfriends are too much, we don't have enough butts/pussies for it". Seriously, you couldn't make this stuff up! If it hadn't been so serious, I probably would have been in stitches!
We finally got her to her room. I had long given up going home and the staff really didn't seem to care or feel concerned. They just let me sit there with her. She kept telling me "let me tell you the truth" and told me more about that Russian. A lot of things contradicted things she had told me.
She claimed to hate alcohol, but said the Russian left her because she kept drinking over the rape trauma.
She claimed she was engaged 4(?) times, but broke it off because "he was TOO HAIRY! I HATE HAIRRRR! I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO HAVE HAIR!"
Ah, but no, then she said she ended it because he had hit her!
Seriously, I guess only God knows. She also said she couldn't possibly get over him, only to tell me 10 mins later she will move on because she is strong.
She kept reiterating that a lot. How strong she was. How she is still not ugly yet. How she needs botox to be "pretty" and how she is 42 and unmarried.
Basically, she kept switching from victim to warrior in seconds and back.
The irony for me was that by this point, I had long realized that while I saw the whole date as a normal one at first, the reason I slowly felt more interested in her (maybe up until the cafe) was that I could sense how FUCKED UP this woman was! A part of me seriously felt like hugging her, comforting her, helping her. The only thing that kept me from it was the realization that this is exactly what I feared in recent months about myself AND that I clearly am not qualified. Plus, who knows what such a person is capable of!
Since the shoe store, she had been insisting on me to "visit her home and spend the night" (sleep with her, whether that meant sex or just sleeping). I clearly DON'T want to take advantage of such a traumatized person and kept politely refusing her offer. But she didn't seem to care or remember.
She called her boss for some reason (an American) and they talked about a date the boss had. Even the boss could tell something is off, saying she sounds wonky and asking if she's drunk. She lied and said she wasn't, but the boss didn't seem to believe her. Well, no shit!
I finally made my way out of there, telling her I really have to go home. She said it's ok, but if I can sleep there. I said I would (like hell!), but the staff probably wouldn't allow it.
Well, I talked to the staff after I finally left her room. Turns out they actually WOULD let me stay! I told them what had happened, about the alcohol, etc. Honestly didn't give me the best impression of the medical system or how laissez-faire they seemed to be.
So yeah, that was my crazy date. In a way, I am glad it happened though, because I think it can help me down the road. But boy, it's quite shocking to see how damaged our modern life leaves some people/women. Aging and not being married seemed to really get to P, despite all the hoity toity talk about what a strong, independent career woman she was! That's what I actually thought many times: How can anyone truly be happy who just works?
If something like this is the result, it's surely scary.
It's also scary that Bumble doesn't have a way to let me report this. People who aren't mentally well definitely shouldn't be in circulation!
