Is love just pure luck?

Lately, I saw people online that I went to school with. All of them seem to be in a relationship, many married. Some also have kids. All seem to have good jobs too. 

It made me think about relationships and life. How much of it is really dependent on luck? On our personality? 

Some of those girls or boys were pretty bad/selfish people. Why do they seem to succeed at all these things and I/friends of mine don't?

Relationships and love in general seem to have changed a lot or were never like I thought they are.

For me, a relationship was always something that requires equal effort, risk and investment.

But from what I have seen in reality, most relationships are deeply unhealthy, with one side always giving or risking more. This isn't just unfair, but it also seems bad for the person that gives less and takes more.

If we get something too easily, we usually take it for granted or don't appreciate its value. We won't fight for it or worry about losing it.

People basically seem to fear to "depend" on someone emotionally or financially. And I understand the financial fear (although in a relationship, you should have trust), but not the emotional fear. 

Don't you want a partner who would feel crushed if he lost your love? A partner who couldn't bear to be without you? And isn't it much safer if you both feel that way? Sort of a Cold War situation, where both sides don't wipe each other out, because there can't be a winner?

Over 20 years, I have tried to build a functioning relationship. I know I have a fear of abandonment and an anxious attachment style. I share the same fear of rejection, being abandoned or hurt that most women have. But I keep trying. I don't say "I tried and got hurt, now the women must come to me and take the risk alone", because first of all, that's not fair to them, second, it's unrealistic and third, it wouldn't be good for me either.

Still, I wonder, why do other people not seem to have this problem? Does it just seem that they have love and a true relationship? Is it only working, because one (probably the man) is involved far more and does far more, risk far more? 

I have seen so many women sabotage their happiness when their desires and actions just don't match. Women who say they want a family, a partner, true love. But then they were far too negative, too pessimistic and too afraid to truly trust someone, open their heart and love and be loved. 

Most men these days seem to have given up on women. They claim to be happy alone, but I don't know if we can be. 

The same goes for women. While I don't know if they have given up, they also claim to be happy alone. 

Now, men and women may seem to define alone different. I know women who have kids or live with family considering themselves "alone" (which they definitely aren't), while men who are alone usually literally are alone, without friends or family or even pets.

But no matter how they define it, I think our human nature makes it impossible for anyone of us to truly be happy completely alone and isolated.

So I don't understand why people make it so difficult for each other to build a life together and a relationship that can last for life. 

Of course it is "easier" to be single, because you don't have to consider others feelings or needs. You can just be selfish. But in my experience, going for the easy thing is usually unsatisfying and it leads to short-lived happiness.

Real happiness requires risk, work, effort and...well, risk! You need to be willing to take the same risk of potentially getting hurt time and time again and learn with the experience. If you are unwilling to do that, why would you deserve that someone takes this risk for you? How would you appreciate it?

It's just all very depressing. I think many people could have a healthy and happy relationship if only they were willing to put in the effort, take the risk... basically, treat people how they want to be treated. 

But is that really necessary? I know from those people I went to school with that some of them were absolutely selfish jerks (male or female). And yet it seems they found happiness with ease/without the struggle I or friends of mine have. What does this ultimately mean? Is finding true love really just a game of chance?