I remember 2013, my girlfriend of 1,5 years had left me. We had lived together in Bali for a long time and after I had to go back there in 2014, almost every single spot reminded me of her. Obviously the guesthouse where we had stayed together. But also the airport, the convenience store, the malls, the beaches...even a friggin traffic light where we often had to stop while I sat on the back of her scooter, hugging her.
It took me many years to cope with those feelings. After 2014, I didn't go back there until 2018 and by then, I still remembered it, albeit things were a bit better. Finally, I found closure when I went to her workplace and tried to make amends for whatever I had done wrong.
2022, I still remember the places. But the sadness is almost gone. Now I feel more of a sad yearning for the overall feeling of not having someone. Or a sadness that life in general just felt different, more fun back then.
I doubt though that ever the day should come when I won't remember those places and memories at all.
I often ask myself lately if I am one of few people who goes through this for so long. Other people don't seem to have those problems or they at least don't share it or admit to it.
Now since 2024, I am facing a similar situation after tPd. I am reminded of the tPd in supermarkets, bus stops, train stations...places I often frequent that I had frequented with tPd too. I hate it! It's harder this time if this happens in a place you can't really avoid. And I dread that it could take 6-8 years like with M.
One thing I think I learned from my time with M and after is that it takes time and that we have to try to continue. Fake it till u make it, so to speak. We have to meet new people, create new associations and memories to the places that now give us sadness and melancholy. I don't know if that's the right or healthy way to do things, but it seems to be the sanest, most logical option?
I really wonder why it's just me(?) who seems to have such a hard time with these things. How are other people not going crazy over things like that?
Is it that they never had such deep, sincere feelings maybe? Is it because they never allow themselves to be so open and vulnerable? And while they may miss out on TRUE love (at least I think that's how we truly love), they also avoid getting hurt? Is this the world we will live in soon? 99% of people just always taking more than they are giving?
Won't that make any places that may hold memories to us even sadder places?
A lot of friends, male or female have been telling me this. To not love too much. To not take much or any risk. But I think that's a very selfish approach. Sure, it works. But it keeps any relationship people have as friends, family or partners only skin-deep.
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