A day with depression

I wake up around 8 because Jonesy wants food. After giving him some, I go back to bed because it's still 2 hours until my alarm rings. I seem to feel ok, probably just sleepy.
I wake up again around the time the alarm rings, but still feel sleepy because of the Melatonin spray. I check if any work is online already, but there is none, so I re-set my alarm to noon. Around noon, there still isn't any work, so I go back to sleep or maybe I simply missed the alarm? Anyways, when I wake up again, it's already 3:30pm. I feel ok, other than having missed the day. As usual, one of the first things I do is to check my phone for messages and update my email (chasing for a simple dose of dopamine?). Jonesy comes to the bedroom and cozies up on the sheep fur rug near my bed.  Jones then complains about hunger again, but I see that he already had 1 and a half whole portions of cat food, so I know it's not real hunger.
I wash my sweet potatoes that I have to cook today (my sour cream is about to expire), poke some holes in them and put them in the oven. I wash my hair and with the towel still on my head, I take out some garbage to the trash can. Jonesy follows me and I walk around with him, wondering how a cat feels all day and if he ever feels depressed. In front of the house, my dad is talking to a neighbor and an old ftiend. I stick around a little longer than I actually have to (probably missing having any kind of social interaction with someone who isn't an intermediate family member) before heading back inside.

While I wait for the potatoes, I start to watch the remainder of "The War Between Men and Women". But as usual, I am not very good at focusing on anything on the screen. I reply to messages on Whatsapp while watching, talking to my friend. Our conversation makes me smile and feel better a bit (at this point, although I seem to feel ok, the cloud of depression seems to hang above my head already). But I also feel sad because I am still sitting there alone.

After the movie is over (for a comedy, it was actually a bit depressing), I start to watch Southpark. Now my mood seems to be dropping already, because I can't really focus at all and I seem to wait for the episode to end, only to watch yet another. I also finish my Pepsi Max Lemon and after 2 episodes, I drink my self made Jasmine milk tea. This is supposedly the highlight of my day, but I can feel that it's not working. Even though I actually laugh a few times, I feel lonely and empty inside, asking myself if there's even a point to continue to watch if I can't feel sincere joy?
If my mood started at a solid 7, it's now closer to a 3. I switch off my tv and try to focus on cuddling with Jonesy, but I can't stop to feel like I am lying to myself.

Instead of doing anything productive, everything I do and did so far just seems utterly pointless. Watching a movie didn't do much for me. Eating? It didn't taste as good as it should. Same for my drink. And although a puzzle usually helps me to focus, this time I seemed to switch between puzzle, tv and phone.

Now I decided to go for a walk in the dark to get some exercise because I do feel it sometimes helps a little bit. And I wonder if I feel more depressed if I didn't get to leave the house all day.

I really often wonder how other people live and survive. Why don't they go through those emotional rollercoasters all day? Or do they? Am I just super weak and can't see any purpose in my life? Or am I actually super strong and anyone in my position would have long killed themselves?

Now I am almost back home, although I don't have much to look forward to. I'll probably go upstairs to my father to talk and feel less lonely before I ultimately have to go downstairs again. Then I will probably watch more movies or shows in the hope that I can enjoy it this time (because only if you enjoy something, it can distract you) and play the same game I played for months, although I have tons of other games I never even started. But I don't know if that's because I worry I woulf waste a good game on a bad mood or if I just can't seem to start new things easily.
After that, I will go to bed eventually, telling myself I would read, but as usual, I will probably browse mindlessly on my phone and watch something again before going to sleep and repeating it all.

And even if I have work tomorrow, what's it really like? Basically not that different: me, staring at a screen while watching/listening to a movie or show, doing my job until it's done, then eating something and watching more stuff before playing the mindless game or puzzling again? And depending on how well I feel, it will be somewhat satisfying or pointless?
Is this my life forever? I just don't see the point to it :(.