Emotional Trust

Everyone of us knows that trust is very important any relationship. Usually, when we talk about trust, we mean things like not stealing from each other, not backstabbing each other or not to cheat on each other. 

But what about emotional trust?

Many people don't seem to know or understand emotional trust. To me, emotional trust is basically the knowledge that you can have sincere faith in someone else's feelings, the knowledge that their feelings are real and pure and won't change on a whim! 

A good example was me and my ex-girlfriend M. 

M and I had been dating for 4-6 weeks when she told me that she really loves me. I felt happy and it seemed safe to open up my heart for her and so I did.

A few days after, I was moving to my new place of residence and on the way, M picked a huge fight with me for no reason at all. Despite her "true love", she apparently had no problem dumping me and not looking back. 

To me, this came as a shock, because if I love someone, it's a sincere feeling like hunger or thirst or freezing. You can pretend not to feel it, but it's there and real!

Eventually, we got back together the same evening, but I had a problem now. 

Because for me, it's absolutely impossible that I would leave someone I love! I couldn't! Yet M could. So although I felt like she might love me, I now couldn't be sure anymore, EVER! I had felt sure before too that she couldn't possibly leave me and yet she did. So my mind told me that it's only a matter of time until she will leave me again and that ergo her feelings are NOT sincere!

The emotional trust (the trust in the sincerity of her emotions) had now been shattered and destroyed. 

To this day, I don't know what her real reason for being with me has been. But thanks to this spontaneous glimpse at how easy it was for her to go, I now no longer had faith that she is someone I could ever marry or rely upon.

Over the years that followed, I saw similar things happen with other women. And I don't know if it's just really bad luck or if basically all women are like this (but I fear they are). 

Women just grow up differently than men. Women usually don't have to deal with a lot of rejection and usually easily get what they want. And if they don't, it's often because they set their goals too high. 

Compared to men, women get constant affirmation, compliments and have their ego stroked and flattered. I assume this is why they have such emotional immaturity. How and why could you become a person that really knows themselves and what they actually want and feel if all your life, you can be an (emotionally) spoiled brat? Your parents usually have to love you and most men have been raised by women and thus believe that being kind and nice and unselfish is the way to win a woman's pure love (while in reality, I think the better you treat her and the more unselfish you are, the more she will take you for granted).

This is ultimately my conclusion with M too. When she was sure that I love her unconditionally, she would easily walk away from me, similar to someone in a casino who gambles away millions but knows that they have rich parents who will ultimately shield them from harm or consequences.

But as soon as M saw that I was actually just voluntarily nice and kind because I actually loved her and that I could easily have other options (not that I wanted them, I didn't love them!), she fought for me or felt jealous. 

It's this illogical logic I can't understand. I can guess where it stems from (upbringing, society, a lack of consequences), but I don't understand why women don't ever seem to learn that this behavior is bad for them as well. 

At a certain age, even women can't be as reckless anymore as they are when they are younger. But instead of learning to appreciate sincerity and repaying it with sincerity (still a good deal for them, given that many women still won't support men financially or have to put in more than men), they continue their bratty ways and blame men or the world if they end up poor, lonely and unhappy or men just see them as sex objects.

M seems to still be alone as well, as far as I know. It seems she hasn't learned about emotional trust. 

And it's too easy to break this trust. All it takes is to say you love someone and then taking it back with words or actions!