Dreams and Memories

A few days ago, I dreamt an unusual dream about my ex-girlfriend Mutiah and my former childhood friend, Stefanie. I hadn't dreamt of Mutiah in a long time and unlike previous dreams of me and her years ago, the dream was slightly different.

Me and her somehow encountered each other while I was part of some group that went hiking or something. I recognized her and unlike in real life, she didn't avoid me and we could talk and were friendly with each other. It was as if we had finally become friends/stayed friends the way Mutiah had always promised me (but never kept her promise).

While we hung out, she sometimes changed into Stefanie though. Or they sort of blended into one new person.

Stefanie and I had been best friends when I was 7 or 8 after I defended her from some bullies in 1st or 2nd grade and she then told me that our mothers know each other. She lived near my grandmother's home, so I visited her when I stayed there. And later, she often stayed at her grandparents home which was close to my home. So we walked to school together many times and often hung out together. We even had a crush on each other, albeit at different times unfortunately.

I often miss those days, because it was nice to always have someone to talk to and to share with. Although we were young, our relationship seemed very "mature" for our age. 

Unfortunately, after Elementary, we went to different schools and lost touch:(. We met one last time in 2015 after I came back from my trip to Japan, but that's been that since then. 

So although my dream SEEMED like it was about me and Mutiah being friends/dating, it felt very different. I think the underlying message was more one of me mourning those days that passed long ago. 

I do have memories with some people that were part of my life for a while. I have many memories with Stefanie and not quite as many with Mutiah. Heck, I even have dream memories of Mutiah of things or places we only did in dreams (is that normal btw that I often know my dream is a dream or remember in my dream that the memory in the dream is actually another dream I had?). 

I also started to talk more often with Mami lately and it brought back some positive memories as well.

It's a pity that women in general don't seem very nostalgic or sentimental and don't seem to appreciate memories or feel the same way. 

I don't want to be with any of those girls. But I do wish I could revisit some of those moments and feel the genuine happiness of those days. I also miss who I was back then:(.