Lonely Sunday(s)

It's Sunday again. I feel lonely. 

Yesterday, I went to the store with my mother around noon. We spent the afternoon in the garden, reading and talking. Later, her friend joined us, we had dinner together and then read some more before watching an episode of "Our planet" (a nature show).

The moment she left, I already felt more lonely. Why is that? 

If I ask friends or people, they never seem to feel alone much. Do they have a better social life? What is it that others seemingly never feel bad to be alone, but I often do?

Sometimes, it really doesn't bother me that much, but then it often does, rather out of the blue. This confuses me. Shouldn't I either feel alone all the time or never by that logic?

And what about the future? Would I feel better if I was married? Living together?

I do remember feeling happier when I lived with my girlfriends 2012-13 and 2015. Or when my ex girlfriend and her sister visited us for 4-5 days in 2017. But I also immediately dropped into a deep depression the day after they went back. 

Maybe that's why I feel comfort and familiarity in tv shows about families. They show me what life could be like with family life.

I never really had that when I was a kid. My parents divorced when I was 4,5 years old, so my few memories before that are hazy at best. But maybe that's why I have this strong urge for family? My mother has it too though and she grew up with a mother and father (and her sister). 

I envy those with family life, like my brother or some friends. It's just a different feeling if you're not always sitting alone in your garden or living room. Things are less fun alone. If they're any fun at all. 

But where is my future? And with whom? Is it risky to have just a wife (she could die or leave)? Would it be better to live together with friends? But they might leave us too. It just seems like life is too unpredictable for us to avoid this feeling. Still, I don't understand why it mostly seems to hit me over the weekend. I don't have any work to do, I don't have any chores waiting for me tomorrow. And yet I feel this emotional stress of being alone.